found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
