If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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