my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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