so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
