why didn't you poke me back
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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