In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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