Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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