did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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