you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
