I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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