things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
