Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
