atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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