Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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