i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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