I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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