Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize