just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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