i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
