Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
