Swine flu. Run for my life!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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