Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He felt like a one man threesome
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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