He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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