In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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