Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
