He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize