my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
