That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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