then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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