I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
