just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
