so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He shit in the fireplace
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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