I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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