Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
