i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize