omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
