I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
