How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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