hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
