He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
