I'm jealous of your bromance
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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