Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
