just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
