Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
