winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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