Ambien. No doubt about it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize