A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
