i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
