OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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