Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
