Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
