I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
