life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize