I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
