I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
