He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
