WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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