I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize