I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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