I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
