nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
