I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
