what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
