I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Are we still banned from the library?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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