everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
