I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
