I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
