Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
