I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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