saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
