bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
do nipples grow back?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
