1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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