yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
two words...techno handjob
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
