Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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